From before the Camino: After my first two week Portuguese Camino, I was eager to return for a longer journey. I was due a four month sabbatical from both the parish and an even longer one from the seminary. As soon as I knew I could get coverage for my responsibilities, I began to make my plans for the late summer of 2017.
The Archdiocese of Los Angeles provided assistance for educational programs, and so I arranged to begin the sabbatical with a month of immersion Spanish, in Spain itself. After that, I intended to take a full six weeks for the completion of a long Camino, and quickly decided to do the Northern, linking to the Primitivo in Oviedo, carrying on all the way to Santiago.
As I made my plans, others expressed an interest in joining me. My friend, Fr. Jim, who had accompanied me on my Portuguese route, hoped to join me for the first two weeks that August. My brother, Ted, thought he could be free to join me in early September for one or two weeks. A classmate, Fr. Ed, planned to join me for the last week, from Lugo, walking with me for the last 100 km to Santiago. At most, I would only have walked one week by myself, which seemed very doable, maybe even desirable.
I thought everything was unfolding wonderfully. Yet when I proposed, God disposed.
Months before I ever made my way to Spain for language study, Fr. Jim accepted a position teaching at a local Jesuit university, and the semester started early, before the start of the pilgrimage. My brother’s much loved mother-in-law, Pearl, developed a rather rapid onset dementia, and to help his wife, he backed out of the pilgrimage. Then Fr. Ed developed neuropathy in his feet and was informed by his doctor that he wouldn’t be walking anywhere.
If I was going to walk from Hendaye, France, it was apparently going to be alone. Of course, I went anyway. It ended up being wonderful, utterly beyond my expectations. Walking alone had not been my plan, but it became a huge blessing.
Luke 9:23 we read, 23 Then [Jesus] said to all, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”
Jer 10:23 — 23 I know, Lord, that no one chooses their way, nor determines their course nor directs their own step.
Proverbs 16:9 — 9 The human heart plans the way, but the LORD directs the steps.
Psa 23 1-4 — 1 The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack. 2 In green pastures he makes me lie down; to still waters he leads me; 3 he restores my soul. He guides me along right paths for the sake of his name. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff comfort me.
For reflection: We make the best plans we can, seeking to cover our bases, and hoping to succeed in our plans. We’ll read all the guides, we’ll ask questions of those who went before us, we’ll strategize and arrange, we’ll pack and repack; then life happens
It’s at that moment when we need to return to the Lord’s invitation to die to ourselves. It’s in that emptying process that God begins the equally important process of filling us, with His grace, His will, His very self.
We leave more than our homes, families, friends and jobs behind when we go on our Caminos. We also get to leave behind our best laid plans as we get schooled by the process of pilgrimage. That stripping away process can become its own grace. As Proverbs tells us, God is ultimately in control…not us.
How well can we identify grace in what appears, at first, to be a setback? How far can we go with trust? How flexible can we be? How open to the unexpected can we make ourselves?
Surprisingly, as it certainly was for me, the very thing I feared, that is, so much time alone, by the end, was a huge balm to me soul. I couldn’t have guessed. I see the finger print of God in how things turned out, precisely when they veered from my preferences.
So one of our key opportunities for contemplation might well be probing just how much we actually trust the Lord God? The psalmist lacks nothing because the Lord is the shepherd, and because of the guidance received from the Lord along the right paths. Even in frightening circumstance, the valley of the shadow of death, no less, the psalmist trusts. Do we?
