From the Camino: Carthusian monks, who lead lives of extraordinary simplicity, solitude and prayer, even in comparison to other monks, have as saying, “Never reformed because never deformed.” I wish I could say that…but it just wouldn’t be true. I confess that I can get cranky.
I’m not inclined to it, normally speaking, though I may wake up just a little confused. I get over that quickly and take most of life’s difficulties in stride.
But then, when I’m more than ordinarily tired or hungry, I can get out of sorts. Perhaps I’m not the only one? So it was an unusual grace that, by the end of each day’s walk on the Camino I was always both exhausted and famished. Further complicating that emotional state, I often stumbled around, searching for my residence for the night, by which point I could feel down right unpleasant.
Yes, I did say that daily experience was actually a grace for me.
The Camino brought me, every day, to confront my least pleasant emotions where, my own self-analysis concludes, I sabotage my relationships with family, friends, and worst of all, employees. Peers can tell me to be patient or grow up. Parish personnel have to live with it. It was an area in my life that I needed to confront.
It embarrasses me to admit that I had to remind myself every day, as my walk winded to an end, to be pleasant with my hosts and companions. They weren’t responsible for my annoyances. Inevitably, if I just would be patient, say less rather than more, and be determinedly even keeled, everything would work out: after only a short time of rest, a shower and a nice bite to eat, I would be back to my good self.
The freedom I have given myself, throughout my adult life, to be grouchy when out-of-sorts was so habitually ingrained that it took the entire Camino to learn, commit and recommit repeatedly to move closer to the person I hoped to become, even in irritating circumstances.
The problem isn’t solved for me. I have to return to this lesson constantly in everyday life. But I have been given the Camino’s gift of a daily dose of frustration to inoculate myself, so to speak, from my acceptance of my worst behavior.
You may well have your own area of growth, requiring days of examination, dedication and renewed perseverance. If the Camino can help you, let it.
Micah 6:6-8 – 6 “With what shall I come before the Lord, and bow before God most high? Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? 7 Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with myriad streams of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my crime, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? 8 You have been told, O mortal, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you: Only to do justice and to love goodness, and to walk humbly with your God.”
For reflection: What could empower us to move beyond our emotional lack of balance when stressed and tired? Can we constrain our irritation? Can we be graced while under stress?
The Camino certainly provides the stress…and perhaps also the grace.
We read the prophet Micah’s reflection on what the Lord seeks from us. He carefully considers and dismisses expensive sacrificial offerings. Animal sacrifices were precious, and yet not the Lord’s desire. Then, since the Israelites’ neighbors were known to offer their children to Moloch, ponders the offering of one’s own offspring, more prized by many parents than their own life. This, too, the prophet sets aside.
Instead, the prophet teaches, the Lord is seeking justice, which demands parity, adequate care, and an attention to everyone’s needs, not just our own. Where do one’s personal aggravations fit into that pursuit?
Second, the Lord seeks passion for loving kindness (hesed), as justice without loving kindness can be a harsh master. The focus of love is always on the other, and not the self. Where that focus is maintained, impatience and aggravation has no room.
Third, so expressly perfect for the Camino, God seeks our humble companionship on the journey. It’s this last requirement of what is good, and what the Lord requires of us, that chastens us. If we walk in humility, with God as our companion, shaping our thoughts, our actions and our words, then we will be required to chasten our aggravation, reign in our irritation, and humbly and gratefully receive what the Camino provides.
